Call of the Mild

How's this for irony:  recently I've been cruising around National Geographic online in attempt to become more in-touch with the outdoors.  As culturally American and backwards as that idea is: it has worked.  I've never been much on the outdoorsy scale except when it came to organized sports or maybe a picnic (mmm..burgers).  My Dad and I have gone on a few fishing trips that were really enjoyable and I've been on my share of church retreats.  All well and good, but since I've been going to graduate school, my life revolves around papers, reading, and dwelling within four walls and florescent lighting.  For some unexplainable reason, I feel that I need to GET OUT!  It has never been my personality to think in such a way; I'm quite comfortable with movie watching to the point of memorization and xbox hours on end.  Perhaps it's the blogs I'm reading, or an internalized spiritual nature that wants to see all of God's creation, but my milder instincts are starting to entertain camping trips and pre-dawn hikes.  Not going from urbanite to "127 Hours" but somewhere in the middle is where I want to dwell - out into nature.  So I resume my search of "Outdoorsman 101" tips online.  If the call of nature hits anyone else, gimme a shout and we'll go hiking....or walk around Bass Pro Shop at least (A/C and all).      

Blogland...I hardly knew ye.

So I kinda forgot about this blog thing.  I've been trying to think of new Thursday Thunderdome match ups but I've been pretty unsuccessful.  Onto the current goings on around the Elam household.  Right this minute, Maegan and I are watching "Mr. Sunshine."  We are trying to find a new show to take over our very limited attention to network television.  The Office monopolized my space on the DVR; minus the occasional VH1 Classic rock documentary or movie on HBO, TCM, or AMC.  But now that Steve Carell is leaving, Maegan and I are skeptical about the direction of the show and who will shoulder the massive weight of Michael Scott's comedic genius. The glimmer of hope remains that Will Ferrel will make some appearances on the show.  It either will be REALLY funny..or will die trying and I'm certainly rooting for the former.  Back to "Mr. Sunshine," it's a pretty funny show.  Starring Matthew Perry (who most people take as my doppelganger but I don't really see it) and co staring Allison Janney which is one of the funniest broads in the business.  She was the mom in Juno - had a brilliant command of dry wit and blunt unconventional parenting style which made for an irresistible character.  So 'Sunshine' combined with "Modern Family" (which almost every person I know has told me to watch and rightly so because it's pretty dang funny) have become our new DVR'd lineup along with the final remnants of whatever the Office writing team can scrape across the TV screen.  But, the relating of our TV lineup is somewhat irrelevant because I don't have much time to watch television anyway due to my reading schedule.  It's just comforting to know that it's there I suppose...I'm a pretty typical American in that way. 

Thursday Thunderdome #2

Welcome back to THUNDERDOME!  We're getting all the classics out of the way first.  This week's match up is between one actor with two equally tuff-as-nails characters.  The actual man: Harrison Ford.  The larger than life characters: HAN SOLO vs. INDIANA JONES

This matchup is pretty emotional for me.  Both characters hold a special place in my childhood memories.  The first scene I've ever acted out for my family (in my own memory) and actually memorized lines for was when Solo wasted Greedo at Mos Eisley.  Yet, one of the first VCR tapes that I actually wore out from watching too much was The Last Crusade.  Now that adulthood is kicking in, maybe there is only room for one of these never-say-die fighters of all evil doers.....but chances are after I write this ridiculous blog I'll still love both.  (and no, I'm not going to talk about any Indiana Jones events that happened in that new terrible movie where he was comically brought back from hero Valhalla...you ought to be ashamed Mr. Ford)   LET'S RUMBLE:

Hand to Hand Combat:  Advantage - INDIANA JONES
> You have to go with the cinematic proof.  Besides sucker punching Lando on Bespin and perhaps getting in some good shots on bounty hunters aboard Jabba's sand cruiser, Solo just doesn't do hand to hand fighting.  Using hands (or Jedi powers for that matter) .."are no match for a good blaster at your side, kid."  Well, better make sure your blaster doesn't leave you because Indiana is tougher than a $2 steak.  Indy has fought off Nazis, Chinese crime bosses, museum-bounty men, Khali brainwashed Indians, and countless others.  Never doubt the toughness of a school-teacher/archaeologist.

Weapons Usage:  Advantage - HAN SOLO
> Solo is a crack shot and a quick draw (just ask Greedo).  IF firearms are available, Solo would more than likely be able to shoot from the hip and bag Indy before he could say "short round."  While Indy does use some gunplay in his movies, he definitely isn't known for it.  Shooting a line full of Nazi's at point blank with a luger just isn't going to cut it against Solo's blaster.

Sidekick Choice:  Advantage - HAN SOLO
> True, Thunderdome is "mono e mono" but we can still analyze the usage of a sidekick.  Solo was blessed by the Force-gods to have Chewbaca on his side: a comedic and yet inspirational wookie that packs a punch against the Empire.  Indy on the other hand had Marcus Brody....nincompoop.  Got lost in his own museum, need we say more.  Shortround ,  funny and good at fighting other children but without boxes on his feet to drive, pretty much useless.  And finally his father, which had all the brains but unfortunately was still dumb enough to send his diary to Indiana which started the whole Last Crusade mess.  When you're old, choose another hobby than grail seeking! 

Difficulty of Foe:  Advantage - INDIANA JONES
> Darth Vader is one of the best villains ever.  But does Solo ever really fight him? NO, instead he gets his blaster taken from him and all of a sudden he's a baby without his blanky....and then a baby frozen in carbonite.  Instead, Solo gets to take target practice against mindless Stormtroopers at Endor. (white troopers against a green forest background = fish in a barrel)  Now, I'm not all negative against Solo In Episode 4 he went 'beast mode' inside the Death Star and took on an entire platoon of troopers with just him and Chewy.  BUT, can you wager storm troopers against Nazis? a cult of Indians? a lost tribe in South America?  MORE Nazis?  and with very limited resources?  No, Jones met a lot more bumps in his path and had to mostly work alone.

AND THE VICTOR IS.............INDIANA JONES!
>  Han Solo is the coolest cat in the galaxy. He flys an awesome ship, has a better looking girl than Indy, a cooler sidekick, and just looks better getting the job done.  But, in Thunderdome, Indy is too tough and resilient against Solo.  Dr. Jones is the epitome of resourcefulness.  My guess is Indy would have been able to dodge, or even overcome some blaster wounds, get close enough and whip the gun out of Solos hand.  Then proceed to dish out some hay-makers to get the job done.  This was rough,  I'm a huge Solo fan, I wish he would have been the lead character in Star Wars instead of that whiny baby Luke...but in Thunderdome the Elam Power Index gives Dr. Henry Jones Jr. 6 victories in 10 battles.

Please hold....

Thursday Thunderdome is in need of tweaking and I'm too tired to finish it now.  Perhaps I need a new name for Thunderdome since I've had two and neither of which will be posted on Thursday.  Drat..  Until it gets posted, let your brain marinate with an epic blood bath between Indiana Jones vs. Han Solo.....one actor.....two epic characters.......one awesome fight! 

Thunderdome Thursday #1

I'm already behind in my blogs!  I wanted to post this yesterday but I have class at UTSA and I'm way too tired when I get home.  Here is a weekly feature I'd like to begin, Thunderdome Thursday.  Basically, it's two or more individuals (fictional characters, celebs, sports stars.. desserts, etc.) that I will throw together in the arena to participate in fictional battle.  It will try to answer age old questions that alway start, "Who do you think would win in a fight between..."  Based on each person or thing's history, I will try to unbiasly produce a winner.  Obviously, I do want feedback if I leave out any vital information or if I'm just dead wrong at any point.  So....without further ado, our first Thunderdome Thursday clash of titans in literature and now the silver screen -- two immensly famous and powerful WIZARDS:  Gandalf (the white) and Dumbledore!

Both characters enter the arena; similar in appearance but behave differently when in the heat of battle.  Both are able to summon extraordinary spells at a moments notice, are incredibly wise, and it's well documented that they each can kick major booty.  Let's size them up according to Thunderdome categories:

HAND TO HAND COMBAT:   Advantage- GANDALF

> Not too much to compare here.  Dumbledore has yet to ever throw a punch, kick, or even a bite.  Gandalf on the other hand, wields a staff and a sword with as much confidence as Rosanne unwrapping a Twix bar.  The man kills at least 100 orcs alone and in Return of the King rallies a rag tag group of Gondor soldiers to hold Minas Tirith until Rohan arrives.  The man's got significant anger against Saruon's dark army.

MAGICAL SKILL: Advantage - DUMBLEDORE

> Definately not as clear as physical combat, but in tandem with the last question, maybe Dumbledore never had to throw a punch!  In Order of the Phoenix, it's pretty clear that Dumbledore can take care of himself against Voldemort - entrapping him in a giant water sphere and stopping all the glass in the ministry from hitting poor, whiny, Harry.  And, Gandalf got owned when having to defend himself against Sauroman in the black tower at Isengard...of course that was Gandalf "The Grey."  Dumbledore is a cool customer and seems to have a better command of his spells at the right moments.

WIZARDLY WISDOM: Advantage - DUMBLEDORE

> Gandalf knows and incredible amount of knowledge on the history and goings-on of Middle Earth for sure.  But, Dumbledore has more resources at hand: the pensieve (the memory retriever), archives (Hogwarts the school!), and not as far to travel for his information (apparition).  It seemed like 1/3 of the LOTR movies were taken up by horse travel.  Dumbledore is headmaster for a reason, dude is SMART!

OVERALL WINNER:   GANDALF!!

> All respect and credit to Dumbledore.  He's even tempered, cool, calm and collected.  He has the advantage in the magical arts and the wisdom but something he doesn't have........power over death!  Gandalf came back from the dead to defeat Sauron and by golly got the job done.  Dumbledore was no doubt wise enough to let the plan unfold correctly, but in the world of Thunderdome there's nowhere to hide and nobody to entrust with carrying out the plan against your enemy.  Gandalf "the white" has got the grit and toughness to block enough of Dumbledore's magic and get in close, let his sword do the talking, and snap the Elder Wand in half with one hand.   EPI (Elam Power Index) gives Gandalf at least 7 victories in 10 battles.   

Top Ten (Manly) Songs to Drive To

The choice for this blog came from the fact that when I first got in the car and turned on the radio "Love is a Battlefield" was on.  Good song, indeed, but not very manly.  So then I wondered about what 'manly' songs I enjoy driving to.  Not to sound sexist, but Benatar didn't make my list.  So women, you might have a separate list, but this is my manly-rock song play list when I'm flying down 410....at 55 mph because some doofus is in the far left lane not going the limit.  If you want to reorder or pick some other songs PLEASE COMMENT! 

#10 - "Who Do you Love" - George Thorogood and the Destroyers
> The guitar riff is simple, yet the tone George gets on his amp is incredible.  Combine that with a Bo Diddley drum beat and you've added 5 oz. at least of manliness to your tank.

#9 - "Down Rodeo" - Rage Against the Machine
> Hard rocking song, obviously from Rage.  Even though I'm a middle-income guy it still makes me want to start a class revolution against the richies in the Dominion

#8 - "She Sells Sanctuary" - The Cult
> Up tempo, quick and accurate guitar work, and soaring vocals.  The beat almost syncs up with the white road stripes if you drive 65.

#7 - "The Distance" - Cake
> I'm a big cake fan (food and band), and this is almost overplayed.  But you can't deny yourself the pleasure of a race car song and an irresistible one-string riff that encourages you to 'go the distance.'

#6 - "Sabotage" - Beastie Boys
> Super aggressive and a gritty sound.  Makes me feel like somebody is chasing me.

#5 - "Breadfan" - Metallica
> Many Metallica songs could have made the list, but "Breadfan" is full of double-bass drums and heavy riffs with a melodic interlude mixed in for good measure -an eye-opener if you're on a trip and are starting to get drowsy. 

#4 - "Joker and the Thief" - Wolfmother
> This song is featured in the Hangover, but it has an awesome intro then hits you in the face with a driving verse which features a really cool booming organ background that adds some beef to the already beefy guitars. Tasty....

#3 - "Stay with Me" - Faces
> I love any song with loose hi-hat drumming.  Mix it with some southern-rock licks and Rod Stewart's signature sound and this song has to be cranked while you cruise.

#2 - "Night Prowler" - AC/DC
> Most go for the easy "Highway to He(ck)" and while it's a great song, I go for the last track on the same album which is slower tempo, but none the less a really tough-sounding song.  Probably my favorite AC/DC song ever.  Good to listen to with your windows down when you get off the high way (top speed 45).

DRUM ROLL...........


#1 -  "Panama" - Van Halen
> Well, the song is firstly about cars anyway.  Perfection to listen to on the open road.  The sweet vocals, splashy drums, spot on riff and a killer solo seem to spill out of the stereo in such a way that your foot unconsciously presses down on the accelerator.

Great...

Just rereading my first blog post.  Sounds kinda arrogant.....dang blogs have got me right where they want me: thinking I'm cool because I write on a free page that I made up.  Anywho, I was thinking of other stuff that I want to do on this here blog that might not be so ego-driven.  #1 make some top 10 lists  (open for discussions) , #2 have something called "Thunderdome Thursdays"  which I thought of while lecturing to my 10th grade class actually, and #3 post funny stuff that I hear so I won't forget it.  Stay tuned!